i bloghop, skim through afew posts, and i'm just in such utter horror.

the lust of the eyes,
lust of the flesh,
and the pride of life.

and i find myself one foot in,
and another out.

i think,
isn't there more to life than dressing up and looking nice?
shopping and buying something to dress up this body that will look old and haggard in the next twenty years or so.
live life to the fullest, one might say,
but it really doesn matter in the end.
what does?

keep your eyes not on earthly things,
but on things unseen, not temporal things that perish where dust and moth will destroy.

it is a sober warning to myself, and anyone else that chances upon this.
don't store up for urself treasures on earth.
because they do not last.

i saw her blood pressure drop to a low of 56/43.
her breathing was noisy and laboured.
her heart rate climbing,
as the muscles of her heart go out of rhythm-
up and down the lines and curves danced on the black screen that reduced her life to just a few strokes.
her grandchildren gathered at her bedside,
looking on with much hesitance, and doubt in their eyes.
was it fear? or relief?
i don't know.
old age is a horror.
one i can never fully understand, or try even to grasp with my mind.
i will not try.


tell me if you were wearing a pretty frock, would it even matter?
she was not even conscious and could not open her eyes to see the loved ones around her.

when that happens, i can only sing for joy,
for i will meet my Maker soon.

would u cry with tears of sorrow?

or shriek with inaudible sounds because of fear of the unknown?

and i took a walk, a run.
i saw the old man sitting at the bench.
and i failed.
to talk to him and just share with him about You.
i'm really sorry.

teach me to live my life for You all over again.
i cannot do this on my own.
i am weak, and nothing.

You are everything.

12:17 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

it all really seems so fast, and yet,
it has all been such a tiring few months.

i would not have made it through without Your grace.

first week of ward posting done,
this week in OT,
another 2 more wks in ward,
one wk at CDC,
and the final 2 wks in ward.

God pull me through.

it gets really lonely.

i thank You for bringing friendly staff alongside me.

i give You thanks for breath every morning.

another day,
and it's full of ups and downs.
disappointments,
again.

but Your smile makes it all beautiful.
and carries me through the day.

what more could i ask for?

10:15 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

thank You for lovely moments at bintan.
loved it there.
wish i could stay there longer, without the insects and bites, but yea.
didn't manage to go snorkelling or see pretty fishes or pick seahorses and starfishes, but seeing some starfish crawling along the beach and the lovely clear water, was enough for now.

why do i still feel so tired?

i'm off to bed.

please dont let dreams haunt me.

safe in your arms i rest.

10:49 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

shout it out (:

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all the brothers and sisters

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of old.

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credits.

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wonderful people

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